Peace of Mind

I longed for it for a very long time now. Months perhaps. I couldn't stand for another. I need it, pronto.

Today my BP dropped low again - I admitted it's my fault because I didn't manage to eat a proper breakfast. Went to the office at 7.40 am and worked my asses off until almost 6 pm today. Same cycles almost everyday except on weekend. Its helps to take my mind off from my problems for a short while and on the weekend I try to find others thing to do to occupied my time without facing or reminiscing or thinking about my problem.

Last week, Mr Doctor put me on bed rest for a week and yet I couldn't stand another 15 minutes without doing anything - so I went for a jog and pilates plus spending almost 2 hours in the gym on 2 days that I'm supposed to be resting. Its help - again, just for awhile. His questions last week startled me. He told me "You're actually quite healthy since you eat well and exercise well but I'm not sure about your mental health. Its probably the major cause of your low BP with insomnia" I hesitated for awhile before I answered, well I only nod actually. I admitted to Mr Doctor that I'm having second relapse of depression - of course without explaining any reason(s) at all. Since he understand, he suggest a bed rest (again!) and a vacation. LOL Funny things is - I can't get any vacation since I'm running out of annual leave. However, if he can write me some MC, I would gladly accept. HOWEVER, I don't think I will go for it because I will feel guilty because I'm away from my responsibility and I hate running away (yet I'm doing it now).

Deep down I know what I'm supposed to do but I'm hesitating. So I don't know what to do and where to go from here since I was left hanging. I desperately need an answer. It's either a YES or a NO. I just need an answer and then I know what I should do. Leaving me hanging while pretending everything is OK will only do more damage to me. ME. Not to the other party but ONLY ME. I begged for an answer but ended up getting hang. The F.

I need an answer and only then I will get that peace of mind.
I no longer need a time nor space.
I just freaking NEED A PEACE OF MIND.

And a normal BP so that I can start my training to be HOT. TEHEE



  1. daling pray to God ya.I know how u feel.kalau case like this kan there are 2 possibilities.1st is dia mmg x mau sdh.but malas mo settle.guy mmg like this.they hope woman can be like them.pandai faham sendiri when to walk away. 2nd is mmg he need time to think.if 2nd case,then dont kacau2 him.dia pandai balik jg sendiri like rubber band theory.lagi jauh dorg tarik diri,sekali mau balik mmg akan balik with more loving.

    and the rest is just leave it to God.if he is not meant for u then there must be someone better for u.If he didnt treat u well,then u deserves someone better.

    cheerss ya.dont think too much.God love u

    1. Amen! Thank you dear!

      6 months and still no answer. So I didn't know where to go from here.
      So confuse and really depressed. Sigh. Thanks again for the motivating comment.

      Will continue praying for the best. xx

  2. You need a proper closure girl. Then you can move on and enjoy life back. Good luck!

    1. Yes, definitely a closure!
      I'll work for it and move on! I soo deserve to be happy.

      Thanks Chii!

  3. what happened moi??? aduii sory bnyak ketinggalan jaman sya ni...whatever it is, keep praying to God ya.. :)

    1. HEE. Ada tu dulu sy share sana Dayre tapi saya delete sda moi.

      Aite! ^^ Will keep praying, no worries! xx

  4. hmmmmm... u know what i think? u should be focusing on yourself for now la babe. find inner peace dulu n leave him by himself to let him deal with his own things. u will get hurt more by thinking about him, so just try to shake it off n may God give u peace :)

    1. Hi Mandak,

      YES. Its exactly what I've been doing for months now. But he is always crossed my mind - then our problem - then I feel suffocated coz I don't like being left hanging bha. Anyway, will try my best to be strong! :D

      Thank you! xx

  5. We both need some vacay, babey ^^

  6. Hi fay... I dont really know what happen but u will be in my prayer. Hugs

    1. Hi Beaty,

      No worries! I'll be fine soon. *hugs*


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