Of responsibility

Hello December.

This is going to be a rant post. I don't care. I MUST GET THIS STUPID THINGS OUT OF MY SYSTEM; as if NOW. I'm super stress. NO. Not exactly stress. Super pissed. Indeed. I'm a very responsible daughter. I'm not bragging myself out but I just know what I am and my family knew it as well. Sometimes, being the eldest and being very responsible toward the family tend to put myself in disadvantage situation. i.e I want to buy things that I fucking want but ended up using my saving to help them because they screwed up financially. If this happened few times; I DON'T MIND. It is my responsibility to help them anyway. But THIS "helping financially" things happened almost EVERYTIME. I supported 60% family finance once I started working. Heck. Once I finished study and earned some money through home tuitioning. YET they always thought I have more. They broke me from month to month to a zero saving and yet they still NEED my help.

I have freaking monthly bills to be paid. Loans to be settled. No saving. And I don't even earned 3K wages. What The Freaking fuck. Two fucking young adults in my home doing nothing except playing games and complaining. GET A FUCKING JOBS! Don't ask money from me! I barely have my own for my own fucking sake!

And this fucking morning, they asked some money from me to help them AGAIN. As if my entire wage is just some money. 

But the fucking shit is: I gave them all.
I'm screwed. I always am. Too good. Too kind. Too responsible. Too easy.

I just wish everyone start to learn to take and carry their own responsibilities. My parent is not getting any younger; they required help. I'm doing my best to help them. Although sometimes I think what I have is never enough; still its everything that I'm willing to sacrifice for them. How I wish my other siblings think maturely. Help our parent without complains and without bring out the issues after they had help. The heart of a parent is very fragile; I saw my mom reaction many times...being so sad and affected by my brother comment about helping the family. They raised us brother; its a lifetime of sacrifice that you and I have to endured. This time I'm going to let them learn on their own. They are young adult. They should act like one.

Let them learn to take the responsibility on their own.


I HAD ENOUGH.

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